We came, we saw, &they left me to conquer

It's been a long six months, since I shifted to Chandigarh, but alas- my first post on the ole' blog, I write from my house in Delhi.

Before having moved to Chandigarh, I had heard a lot about it. Or at least as much as one can hear over the span of a week [that would be the week that I found out about the existence of the college that i currently attend... and the same week that decided the next four years of my life]. It all seemed so sudden: the forms, the faxes, the bank statements, the photocopies, the shopping, the phonecalls, the shopping, the packing... the handshakes and hugs, and finally the piaggio auto that sped away from the gates of my hostel carrying the three individuals who loved me the most in the world.

Bless my memory for I can still recall every little detail of my arrival in Chandigarh. And it's nice to think about how the city was for me in the first few days and how it is now because it's only been six months and there is already a marked nostalgia of the former perspective.

Before leaving for Chandigarh, I used Google to get my preliminary source of information regarding the city. I also found a PG in Sec-35 for us to stay in for a couple of days. As an outsider, I found the term "Sector 35-c" seem pretty insignificant as I stared at my computer screen. Little did I know, I'd be spending most of my late-leaves over the next semester in this.

And so we came, a family of four set to breath in the sights that India's best-planned city had to offer. We laughed, we ate, we clicked pictures to mark our moments. Then the vacation ended, and reality slapped me in the face as I opened my room's door, and realized that my family wasn't there. Nobody was there. The hostel was practically empty. I walked over to my bed. It felt cold and unreal, partially because i hadn't taken off the plastic from the mattress and partially because I hadn't imagined things to be this cold.

It was either due to the silence that seeped into my surroundings, or the fact that I forgot to anticipate the silence. Over the next few minutes, I sat there curled up on my new mattress, staring at my balcony view. The room was better than expected. But it was still empty. I was alone. And even though I knew my roommates would be moving in over the next few days, I still felt alone. Maybe I felt this way because I knew that no matter how significant they become over the next four years, they'll still be just friends. They won't be the ones who've known me all of my life. They'll be the ones to know me best from my college days, but none of them will be able to see how vivid and detailed the past 18 years of my life had been. They'll get to know me, but they might not understand why I am this way.

And as the room continued to stay silent, I continued to ponder the things I had seen over the years... the places I had called home... the phases that I entered proudly, lived through steadily, and quit reluctantly... the friends whose ears I'd whispered my secrets into... the fights that I'd have with my brother... the songs that I'd exploit till they no longer pleased me... the mentors, the advice... and the grand ceremonial end to my high school life... and the application process... the past few days.. and the auto that had probably arrived at the Chandigarh Railway Station a moment ago... the three passengers that exit the vehicle to board the train...

Though momentarily depressing, it was necessary for me to go over all of it. Looking back, acknowledging closure in between stages had always made it easier to move on. Those moments of reflection may have only last a few minutes, but they cemented so permanently in my memory, it doesn't take long to remember how..."it felt back then".

Eventually my roommates moved in and I moved past my unanticipated vulnerability. I made some new friends, joined some clubs, left a club, got to know the city. Sometimes, I can flatten most of the past six month's events down to one condensed memory that will furthermore continue condense under the pressure of passing time But it's the initial days of a fresh stage that never seem to blur, no matter how distant in the past they may stand.

Maybe I'll span it out over a few posts, but I think I'm gonna describe the most vivid of "checkpoints" in my life. That is, given I'm still in the same "senti" mood that I currently find myself to be in.

Minor Letdown

the lone tree draws her close with vines of silence

the coarseness of the bark comes only to mind

when the grandiose foliage is left to unwind

sweltering words need not be spoken

for placid ties to be broken

a vigorous mind need not trauma to turn rough

for solitude in excess does damage enough

with winter’s wind passing,

the inevitable energy of the change has gone

fall’s lingering warmth is withdrawn

short frequent meetings are reduced to distant greetings

the best of burgeoning friendships become frail

for in the end, expectations give way to betrayal